Random Thoughts

I blinked, with eyes that can't seem to take in the light as I stared at the ceiling and my mind spacing out. Then I thought, "Why am I so up so early in the morning?", then I remembered that today's a free day. I smiled and lazed about in bed with going back to sleep in mind. I felt the rush of emotions I was trying to appease for quite some time now. Hating sometimes what I let my thoughts drift into. Sometimes into fantasies and into irrational scenarios that I can't seem to not trickle in, little by little. Nothing harmful but sometimes almost impossible. Unconsciously, my mind seems to go to a place I've always desired to go into. I don't believe in emptiness, and now's not the time to start feeling somewhere near that. Now that I've already found what quenches my eternal thirstiness, I would not think I lack anything. No, that would be shallow of me and unreasonable. At times I really think I'm weak, although I know I'm made for greater things. But just sometimes, just sometimes, I see myself vulnerable. In this world of constant instability and rapid irregularities, I am convinced that I've found a refuge that's unshakable. Pondering, I ponder on the way I think, on the emotions I'm feeling, on the depth of my being.

"Something must go, for something to come"

As I listen to today's preaching, this was the phrase that struck me the most. Why? Because there is always something to lose. It might be a someone. It might be an opportunity. It might be a dream. It might be something that is significant in your life. Loss and change is indeed inevitable. It may be sudden or anticipated. However it may come, it's just a simple reality and a consistent facet of life. But what also made this phrase especially remarkable, is that it points you to a promise. A promise that something great is in store for you. There's always a rainbow after the rain. Cliche it might sound, but still quite sensible if you think about it. There's always a purpose and a reason behind every circumstance. It is encouraging to know that once you learn how to accept, despite the struggle, you'll also learn how to glide within your situation. From gliding, you'll learn how to soar and not let the circumstance determine your inner peace. Peace, I believe, is not the absence of problems, but is the presence of God in your life. Only His presence can guide you to true comfort and solace.

An Answered Prayer

It was a goal that I've formulated and an aspiration that directed my career choices.
It was an aim I thought I can attain by myself through studying well and getting all the qualifications necessary for it to happen.
I thrived and I survived the demands of the profession to gain respect and recognition.
I could have always slacked, but I chose to be active and assertive.
I tried to become good at what I do and to always get the job well done.
I took every step to get there, but somehow, it just didn't happened.
I waited actively.
At the end of the day, it boiled down to one subject.
It was always about me.

I got deceived that I can do anything on my own.
I felt that when I get to perform, when I get to take control, and that when I get to command what I want to have in life, I can finally get it, the way I want it.
But it really doesn't happen that way.
We have to realize that there's a higher being. The One that gets to take control and the One who orchestrates everything.
It is only by His power and will that all things can come to pass.
Not by our own strength and our own liking.
When I started relying on Him and not on my own, everything turned around.
As I patiently trusted, the answer was on its way.

Now, living the dream, there are even more challenges.
Nonetheless, I can get to grasp on the fact that God has always been good and faithful.
Even if conflicts may arise, I'll definitely know, that everyday is an answered prayer.
Every breath can be a realization that I am blessed.