Deciphering

A puzzle, a mystery
It's difficult reading you
You pour your heart one second
Then you sink beneath you

Deciphering between the lines
Of what's concealed inside
Desperate to see a spark
Something that'll ignite my heart

But all of it was nonsense
One-sided again
Always the one to open
Always the one to mend

Holding it all in
I face you with a grin
A mask to hide the burden
A facade to keep from hurting

Breaking free
My heart seeks to be steady
Desiring to be calm
Bursting with serenity

Vessel

A face in a crowd
A dust in a wind
Unmemorable
Unrecognizable

From darkness to light
From bondage to freedom
You wiped me clean
And made me gleam

Like a project
A work in progress
Compassion You birthed
For the lost I got burdened

Passion flared
Fire ignited
A runner and an ambassador
For Your cause I became a warrior

You empty me
And stirred my passive heart
Made me a channel
An overflowing vessel

Jesus, make me worthy
Your will, not mine,
To use me, to mold me
To cleanse me and to send me

Now I will bring it back
Now I will lift You up
Now I will sing
That You my Lord is my Savior and King

Heartbeat

Heart beats faster.
Fighting to yield to its reaction.
Afraid to let it loose.
Treading through dangerous waters,
Clinging to reality.

Taking one step forward, I scramble to go back.
Feels like losing.
Pushing and pulling.
Dodging complications.
Refusing to give in.

It keeps beating faster.
Something uncontrollable.
Hating the simple replies and ambiguous meanings.
Avoiding quick glances and lopsided grins.

Resting in Your protection.
Waiting and seeking.
Drawing strength, I bask in grace.
There's no room for emptiness in the love You give.

History repeating itself?

How ironic can this get? It seems i'm going around in circles.. Things always end up like this. Not that i'm saying that this is a sure deal this time, but if i'm not careful, this will lead to the same feeling and situation I was in a number of times before. Always the one to be losing.. I deserve better..

It's a FAITH WALK

I always fall short. No matter how many verses I read from the bible every day, no matter how regular I go to church and no matter how often I pray, I ALWAYS FALL SHORT. I disappointed God by what I said behind a person's back when I was so stressed out. I disappointed Him when I laughed with everyone else over jokes made at the expense of others. I disappointed Him when I snapped at someone who made a rude remark. What I have regretted doing, I end up doing and what I'd like to do for Him, I never get to do. And when guilt eats me up, then He reminds me that it's a FAITH WALK, that I can never do anything without Him. That I am a work in progress. That through Him I can be a better person. I am forgiven and new mercies are available every morning.

Random Thoughts

I blinked, with eyes that can't seem to take in the light as I stared at the ceiling and my mind spacing out. Then I thought, "Why am I so up so early in the morning?", then I remembered that today's a free day. I smiled and lazed about in bed with going back to sleep in mind. I felt the rush of emotions I was trying to appease for quite some time now. Hating sometimes what I let my thoughts drift into. Sometimes into fantasies and into irrational scenarios that I can't seem to not trickle in, little by little. Nothing harmful but sometimes almost impossible. Unconsciously, my mind seems to go to a place I've always desired to go into. I don't believe in emptiness, and now's not the time to start feeling somewhere near that. Now that I've already found what quenches my eternal thirstiness, I would not think I lack anything. No, that would be shallow of me and unreasonable. At times I really think I'm weak, although I know I'm made for greater things. But just sometimes, just sometimes, I see myself vulnerable. In this world of constant instability and rapid irregularities, I am convinced that I've found a refuge that's unshakable. Pondering, I ponder on the way I think, on the emotions I'm feeling, on the depth of my being.

"Something must go, for something to come"

As I listen to today's preaching, this was the phrase that struck me the most. Why? Because there is always something to lose. It might be a someone. It might be an opportunity. It might be a dream. It might be something that is significant in your life. Loss and change is indeed inevitable. It may be sudden or anticipated. However it may come, it's just a simple reality and a consistent facet of life. But what also made this phrase especially remarkable, is that it points you to a promise. A promise that something great is in store for you. There's always a rainbow after the rain. Cliche it might sound, but still quite sensible if you think about it. There's always a purpose and a reason behind every circumstance. It is encouraging to know that once you learn how to accept, despite the struggle, you'll also learn how to glide within your situation. From gliding, you'll learn how to soar and not let the circumstance determine your inner peace. Peace, I believe, is not the absence of problems, but is the presence of God in your life. Only His presence can guide you to true comfort and solace.