When He says "NO"

This year has been really exhilarating for me. I became more driven, more purpose-filled, more happy, more grounded, more tested, and definitely more challenged than ever before. Now, it's October, down to the last quarter of the year, and I can't believe that months just flew so fast. Looking back, I always felt that everything was always a "YES" for me, the tests I took, the jobs I applied for, almost all the major career steps I made was to my favor. This year's a different story though:

THE NOTABLE "NO" MOMENTS OF THIS YEAR:

1. My great Australian dream
I started out this year feeling so sure of my plans for my life. I was so confident that everything would run smoothly and that I'd be there early this year for work. Then, there were some major changes that took place in their nursing council that's why my application got held up. Since then, I had to wait for their updates, but to my dismay, almost had none that counts. Truthfully, the wait is excruciating and almost unbearable. Not to mention the reality that my parents had their hopes up for this job (needing the financial support), which basically made me feel like a disappointment to them.

2. The rejection
I was given an offer to apply for a contact center recently. Before, I had many hesitations to apply for this job because first, it might risk my chances of going abroad (they prefer ongoing clinical work), and second, because I had doubts if this job was really for me. But because I really wanted to help my family out and wanted to be more financially stable, I ended up applying. Yesterday, I received the results and it turned out that I was totally declined by the employer because of something I said during the interview.


I didn't write this because of self-pity and depression. But rather, I want to highlight these experiences, to emphasize the fact that in some way or another, we will all experience failures and disappointments. At first, it made me sad and hopeless, but then I realized what God was really telling me in these situations. He said "NO" because there's something better out there for me and not because He just wants to put me down.

There are reasons behind every rejection and His will is always perfect in His own time.

On the other hand, before I found out the decision about my application yesterday, I prayed hard for God to show me and block out the opportunities that were not really for me. And sure enough, He responded accurately! Surprisingly, I didn't feel any hurt or disappointment, but the opposite, I actually felt thankful that He didn't let me go through something that I shouldn't get into.

God answers! If you just ask and pray.

The turning point of my life?

IT'S NOT MY PLANS, BUT HIS PLANS THAT WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL.

That's the main lesson for me this year. More importantly, throughout all these moments, God taught me how to be stronger and how to be humble. He made me realize that I'm not a big shot, that I'm just the same as everybody else, and that it's only Him who controls everything.

Plight to Platonic Friendship

Everything was brought to the open. He's not so much as an "emotions" person, he really tries to hide it most of the time. Sometimes I feel a mask is always upfront. But he claimed that I was the one closest to him. That I know him the most, he said. I was perplexed though, relieved in the same sense, that he thinks of that. How odd, I thought he always kept secrets and just lets it creep out momentarily. I was important he said and he confessed his feelings, which was like almost 3 years delayed. And finally, he said what he was after in this relationship. FRIENDSHIP. Despite the fact that he gives mixed signals before, that he seems to care a tad little more about my romantic experiences and that he's not the type that when we're together, I can totally let my guard down as I would with a "super" friend.

He said I was his only "BESTFRIEND" ever. Hmmm... that's a first. I never felt that, but hey, he's just that way, not letting everyone in. So it was like lifting a HUGE, i mean HUMONGOUS boulder out of my shoulders. CLARITY is important right? Now I can put my guard down. Now I can breathe normally around him, because I already know we're just friends. He said he liked me a lot, but doesn't trust himself to pursue me, 'coz he's still not totally over his "player" potential. He doesn't want to lose me, he said. I really appreciated it, that he respects me. He really turned out to be a real friend over the years, regardless of the attraction between us.

I told him to drop the mixed signals, to never go beyond the boundaries of friendship in all aspects, even in words. Currently, it's about our "PLIGHT TO PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP", hope someday I can return the favor of calling him my REAL friend (meaning no romanticism involved) and maybe even recognize him as a best friend too. It's really going to be a challenge to shift gears here, c'mon! But I will do it. Not because I was hurt that he didn't pursued me, but because it will basically let go of a lot of complications in my life. I really need to focus on more important things right now, like GOD and what He wants me to do. There are seasons and timing for everything. Now is plainly, not the time for that. I'll get there when it's time. :)