Heartbeat

Heart beats faster.
Fighting to yield to its reaction.
Afraid to let it loose.
Treading through dangerous waters,
Clinging to reality.

Taking one step forward, I scramble to go back.
Feels like losing.
Pushing and pulling.
Dodging complications.
Refusing to give in.

It keeps beating faster.
Something uncontrollable.
Hating the simple replies and ambiguous meanings.
Avoiding quick glances and lopsided grins.

Resting in Your protection.
Waiting and seeking.
Drawing strength, I bask in grace.
There's no room for emptiness in the love You give.

History repeating itself?

How ironic can this get? It seems i'm going around in circles.. Things always end up like this. Not that i'm saying that this is a sure deal this time, but if i'm not careful, this will lead to the same feeling and situation I was in a number of times before. Always the one to be losing.. I deserve better..

It's a FAITH WALK

I always fall short. No matter how many verses I read from the bible every day, no matter how regular I go to church and no matter how often I pray, I ALWAYS FALL SHORT. I disappointed God by what I said behind a person's back when I was so stressed out. I disappointed Him when I laughed with everyone else over jokes made at the expense of others. I disappointed Him when I snapped at someone who made a rude remark. What I have regretted doing, I end up doing and what I'd like to do for Him, I never get to do. And when guilt eats me up, then He reminds me that it's a FAITH WALK, that I can never do anything without Him. That I am a work in progress. That through Him I can be a better person. I am forgiven and new mercies are available every morning.

Random Thoughts

I blinked, with eyes that can't seem to take in the light as I stared at the ceiling and my mind spacing out. Then I thought, "Why am I so up so early in the morning?", then I remembered that today's a free day. I smiled and lazed about in bed with going back to sleep in mind. I felt the rush of emotions I was trying to appease for quite some time now. Hating sometimes what I let my thoughts drift into. Sometimes into fantasies and into irrational scenarios that I can't seem to not trickle in, little by little. Nothing harmful but sometimes almost impossible. Unconsciously, my mind seems to go to a place I've always desired to go into. I don't believe in emptiness, and now's not the time to start feeling somewhere near that. Now that I've already found what quenches my eternal thirstiness, I would not think I lack anything. No, that would be shallow of me and unreasonable. At times I really think I'm weak, although I know I'm made for greater things. But just sometimes, just sometimes, I see myself vulnerable. In this world of constant instability and rapid irregularities, I am convinced that I've found a refuge that's unshakable. Pondering, I ponder on the way I think, on the emotions I'm feeling, on the depth of my being.

"Something must go, for something to come"

As I listen to today's preaching, this was the phrase that struck me the most. Why? Because there is always something to lose. It might be a someone. It might be an opportunity. It might be a dream. It might be something that is significant in your life. Loss and change is indeed inevitable. It may be sudden or anticipated. However it may come, it's just a simple reality and a consistent facet of life. But what also made this phrase especially remarkable, is that it points you to a promise. A promise that something great is in store for you. There's always a rainbow after the rain. Cliche it might sound, but still quite sensible if you think about it. There's always a purpose and a reason behind every circumstance. It is encouraging to know that once you learn how to accept, despite the struggle, you'll also learn how to glide within your situation. From gliding, you'll learn how to soar and not let the circumstance determine your inner peace. Peace, I believe, is not the absence of problems, but is the presence of God in your life. Only His presence can guide you to true comfort and solace.

An Answered Prayer

It was a goal that I've formulated and an aspiration that directed my career choices.
It was an aim I thought I can attain by myself through studying well and getting all the qualifications necessary for it to happen.
I thrived and I survived the demands of the profession to gain respect and recognition.
I could have always slacked, but I chose to be active and assertive.
I tried to become good at what I do and to always get the job well done.
I took every step to get there, but somehow, it just didn't happened.
I waited actively.
At the end of the day, it boiled down to one subject.
It was always about me.

I got deceived that I can do anything on my own.
I felt that when I get to perform, when I get to take control, and that when I get to command what I want to have in life, I can finally get it, the way I want it.
But it really doesn't happen that way.
We have to realize that there's a higher being. The One that gets to take control and the One who orchestrates everything.
It is only by His power and will that all things can come to pass.
Not by our own strength and our own liking.
When I started relying on Him and not on my own, everything turned around.
As I patiently trusted, the answer was on its way.

Now, living the dream, there are even more challenges.
Nonetheless, I can get to grasp on the fact that God has always been good and faithful.
Even if conflicts may arise, I'll definitely know, that everyday is an answered prayer.
Every breath can be a realization that I am blessed.

Breathe (Cover) by Called Out for Victory Worship Band

Check out our performance for the first leg of Live Jam Sessions on the Rock, with Called Out for Victory Worship Band last May 7, 2011. This song is entitled Breathe. Listen and Enjoy! Be blessed :)

Vacation Blog Series Day 12: Healing Belongs To Us

I just finished reading this ebook by Kenneth Hagin, entitled "Healing Belongs To Us".

During the kick-off of this year, God started to gear me towards having audacious faith. One Sunday, after the preaching, the pastor asked the congregation to think of things we want to believe God for, regardless of its impossibility. I remember, that the image of my patient with Cancer, suddenly flickered in my mind. To make the story short, I got to pray for this man (finally overcoming my hesitations and fears)in such a radical way, that even I was amazed by how I was able to do it. It was a series of prayer sessions, since his relatives asked me to pray for him for several times. Although I was really crying out to God for his healing, while casting out any unbelief in me, I was moved to pray for God's will to happen in his life and for him to accept his salvation. At the end of it all, he wasn't able to survive Cancer and died a week after. Inside of me, arose many questions, but I was able to rest on the assurance that he was saved before he passed away.

As I was reading the book, fresh revelations came upon me. Through what it says in Isaiah 53:

4 Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

Two things became clearer to me, that through what Jesus endured on the cross, 1) We are free from a life of sin (For He carried all our sins to the grave with Him), 2) We are free from any sickness or disease (He already took our diseases, pains and sufferings). When He took these upon Himself, He displayed the greatest love that no one could ever exceed. Not only that, but He demonstrated victory over it when He rose from the grave after three days.

Accepting that there is a Savior was never a difficulty for me, but accepting that God can heal any disease became a struggle for me. Even if my mind dictates it, somehow my heart does not totally believe it. Maybe this is why it's really hard for me to intercede for others when it is a prayer for healing. Now, I realized that healing really belongs to us, even from the time Jesus died. Just like salvation, healing is a gift from the heavens, a gift that we have to accept and possess. If we believe His promises and live by it, there's really nothing that can ever tear us down.

It says in Matthew 9:

20 Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. 21 She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.”

22 Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.

In here, the faith of the bleeding woman was reciprocated with instantaneous healing. Faith, now, becomes the key ingredient to a miracle.

At the end of the day...

IT'S NOT A QUESTION IF GOD CAN HEAL US, BUT THE QUESTION IS, DO WE BELIEVE IN HIS WORD AND POWER ENOUGH, FOR US TO RECEIVE IT?

Vacation Blog Series Day 9: Reflections

Earlier today, I found out something that got me disappointed. How I wish things were different and circumstances were much better. Oh well, life can be full of downhill slopes and grimy pits, what matters is how you fight against the negativity and let the bright side of things rule over. Also, praying should be the default, whenever we worry, we're anxious and we're troubled (not just when life's smooth and happy). It disturbs me whenever someone I care about gets lost in his/her way and most of the time I can't do anything about it. I feel helpless, even if I really wanted to make a way for the person. At the end of the day, only God can transform, restore and revive. Each life is worth saving for HIM. I hope and pray that this person gets saved.

Vacation Blog Series Day 8: I Will Wait For You

As a single, this video really ministered to me. It struck me because I was THAT. I used to believe that if all the motions are right, if what you feel says YES, then it was okay to settle. That's why I'm so thankful that out of the relationship I have with God, I was able to see His perspective about relationships. It's not something you can rush or you can manipulate. It's something that He alone can orchestrate. So why bother taking the reins? When you have a chance for the author of love to write your love story? Besides, He is the author of time, so why feel like you're being left behind? All these things boil down to the fact that we should have full trust in God, not only in this aspect, but in everything. In surrendering, we find peace, peace knowing that all is within His control.

I loved the line when she said, "You're the greatest love story ever told", simply because if we get to own this truth in our hearts (what Jesus did on the cross), we will never feel empty or unloved at all. Our hearts will find satisfaction in Him alone and we will know that He is the only answer to the void within. That's why as the psalmist stated in Psalm 130:6, let us choose to wait.

I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Vacation Blog Series Day 6: What Can Jesus Do For You?

Last night, I was totally caught off guard by a call that was full of surprises. Late last year, I had the urge to look for a part-time job so that I could have additional income. I posted my profile and resume at jobstreet and got some calls. Unfortunately, I decided not to go through with their hiring process because I found out that my current work doesn't allow a part-time job for us, employees. Anyway, last night, I got a call from a BPO company, offering me a position for a full-time job! How unusual! I really wasn't expecting that one!

Currently,I'm waiting for my application in a London-based hospital to get approved. Besides this fact, I still didn't get my hopes up because their government became more strict in approving non-European immigrants. The major dilemma in this whole thing? I need to support my family, NOW, and my current job does not exactly meet this demand. So, for months now, I have been asking God "What will I do next?", "If it's not Your will for me to go abroad this year, will I pursue another job?", all these questions have been bugging me over and over. Now, there's a more pressing concern, is this job offer a gift from the heavens or just an attempt of distraction? I really need an answer ASAP, before I even dwell too much on this good news.

As I was reading the Bible, the passage from Luke 18:35-43 ministered to me. Here's how it goes:

35 As Jesus approached Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging. 36 When he heard the crowd going by, he asked what was happening. 37 They told him, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.”
38 He called out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

39 Those who led the way rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

40 Jesus stopped and ordered the man to be brought to him. When he came near, Jesus asked him, 41 “What do you want me to do for you?”

“Lord, I want to see,” he replied.

42 Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has healed you.” 43 Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus, praising God. When all the people saw it, they also praised God.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU?"

That is what Jesus asked. Now, He's also asking me and you, what do we want? What are we crying out to Him? What is it that we are praying so hard for?

It really encouraged me how the blind beggar boldly requested for his sight to be restored. With a definite tone and with all conviction, he stated an impossible petition. Consequently,Jesus didn't fail him and brought instant healing. His audacious faith resulted to a miracle.

This story's the same with our story. We can always come to Jesus anytime and anywhere, to present our requests and to ask for His help. But most of the time He wants faith to rise up from us, that's why He makes us wait on Him and sometimes He also allows unfavorable circumstances to happen. But one thing that we must know, is that our God is not a God of delays. He always has His perfect timing. If we earnestly seek Him, He will certainly reveal His good, perfect and pleasing will.

This is what I'm believing for, that Jesus will answer when I call.

Vacation Blog Series Day 5: The Productivity Plan

I really want to revive my passion for blogging since I've started my vacation leave. Today is officially day 5 of my 20 days off from work, stress and sleepless nights. I had a hard time going back to the usual day-night cycle because I came from a graveyard shift for almost a month.

Anyway, I really want this VL to be productive and fruitful, being a type of person that's always "on-the-go". I love to be busy and I easily get bored doing the same stuff over a lengthened period of time. So getting down to my top "to-do" things this vacation, are:

1. Dig deeper in God's word. Learn, learn, learn through different mediums like podcasts, blogs, books and worship training materials.

2. Spend quality time with my family and friends!

3. Finish a lot of unfinished books.

4. Watch movies and favorite t.v. series.

5. Play the guitar.

6. Jog and exercise everyday.

7. Earn and sell. I started selling Beauche Skin Care Products and exploring options in earning through the internet.


So many things to do but so little time! I need to manage my time well and be productive! There are so many ways to grow as a person and I really want to maximize my time in doing the right stuff! :)

The Empty Thrills of Attraction

What does it take you to be attracted to someone? Is it the physical features? His face? His eyes? The way he talks? His sense of humor? What does?

Me? I don't even know anymore. I've proven throughout the years that the person doesn't need to be outwardly handsome to catch my attention. He doesn't have to put his best foot forward. I've learned, that the wholeness of the person, alone, attracts me.

I would love to have the person be a good conversationalist. Someone I can talk to, about anything under the sun, without worrying that I'll be judged about my opinions. I would love to see his passion about the things that he loves to do most, to know what he is living for and to know why does he do what he's doing right now. I don't want to see false pretenses and I would love for him to be responsible. Lastly, I would love to know if it's God he loves the most, which will really override all other good qualities that the person might have.

Why am i saying this? Is it so that I can sell off what I'm looking for in a man? Actually no, I love my single life the way as it is, but what I'm saying is, I'm attracted to someone right now and I don't like the feeling. Why? Because I know the timing is still off and it would be good riddance if this emotional bundle goes away. Plus, I don't think the person will ever get to like me in that way and I don't like the feeling that "I'm not good enough" as well (which is a lie of the enemy).

However, I also like the feeling of rush that it gives. The excitement of wanting to see that person. But these are all empty thrills if I think about it, because all of these just brings my guard down and would provoke my emotions, which by the way, can result to actions I might regret in the future. So, I'm praying that God will guard my heart because that's the only way I can move on from what I'm feeling right now. At the end of the day, my love life, is something that God alone can orchestrate and I'll always choose to wait on Him.

What He initiates, He orchestrates..

"The Lord Replied, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest" Exodus 33:14

This verse marked a path to where God is leading me this year. Recently, a lot of things happened that caused me to really ponder on how God will use me for His glory this 2011. Since 2008 (the year I surrendered my life to Jesus), I have been groomed and equipped to be a leader in the ministry. This year though, is totally a whole new level for me. I felt God's presence more and I've heard His whispers and His Spirit's leading more clearly like I've never experienced before.


Truly, when you seek to desire Him more, He will reveal Himself to You even more. When You ask for a deeper relationship with Him, He will consume You like fire. This year, I believe:

He is shaking off my comfort zones.
He is enlarging my territory.
He is stretching my faith.
He is increasing my productivity.
He is challenging realities.
He is introducing impossibilities.
He is orchestrating what He initiated.

When I look back over all my crying-out-to-God moments, those times that I really asked Him about what His will is, I am really beginning to see how He orchestrates what He has started in the first place. Why did He gave me the talent of singing? Why did He allowed me to go throughout all my past sins? So that it could be a strong testimony now. Why did He chose to withhold certain blessings? So that I would become humble. Why did He didn't grant me answered prayers instantaneously? So that I would learn to wait on Him. There are so many downhill moments that He allowed to happen, so that He will all the more be magnified in my every weakness.

God is really moving. He is a self-revealing God and it's really magical to see how His purposes unfold. I am excited to see more of God's glory to appear in my life and to the thousands of lives I wish to see transformed.

Thank you God for Your revelations and Your unfailing love that never ceases to amaze me. :)

IGNITE by Che-Che Madera

Verse 1:
Your love changes, Your love moves
The heart that longs to know You
The heart that thirsts for You

Verse 2:
Your fire falls down, Your spirit dwells within
And wakes the inner passion
To live and breathe for You

Verse 3:
My heart hungers, my soul yields
And choose to serve Your people
To see Your glory appear

Pre-Chorus:
Let it burn for You
Let Your light shine through
Jesus, this life I lay it down to You
Come live and move through me
Oh Lord, my God, me refuge and my King

Bridge:
Ignite! Let my life ignite with Your fire
Ignite! Let my life ignite with Your fire
Ignite! Let my life ignite with Your fire
Ignite! Let my life ignite with Your fire
No walls will not fall, no chains will stand tall
As my life gets consumed with Your flame


*** First song ever made!!! Feel free to share your thoughts and suggestions about it! God bless!

A New Season of God's Elevation

2010, hands down, was an awesome year for me. I learned a LOT about life, faith, GOD, family, relationships, leadership and spirituality. The main highlights of which were:

1. My parents gone through 1to1, had their own small groups and finished victory weekend!! (exactly what I prayed for last year)
2. I got my own small group of lovely teenagers (Kim, Gel, Denise, Angie, Shannon, Sarah, Ezra, Queen)
3. I became a worship leader and resources administrator (Kids Church Music Ministry)
4. I learned how to harmonize!!! (This, in itself, is a miracle!) :)
5. I got seriously equipped to become a leader (ICI-A, Teachers' Retreat, Bootcamp 2010, ONE series at VCF)
6. I became a discipler (Ezra's done with victory weekend, 1to1 with Gayle and Gel)
7. I trusted GOD more with my finances
8. I learned how to wait and seek GOD more in my every situation

But this year's a different story. This year I feel it's going to be ground-shaking, breath-taking, faith-testing, faith-shaking, spirit-soaring and GOD-ELEVATING. You know the feeling that something's brewing? That something's in the making? That's what I feel is in store this year. So I'm choosing to be expectant because I believe that He is moving, that He is equipping and that He is transforming.

Last year, one of the major realizations I had, was that I am not perfect, I can never do anything to navigate my life to where I want it to go. I failed to, because God wants me to depend on Him more, to submit to Him more, to want His ways more, and to desire His will more. It has been hard to pursue Him, but I learned that if you choose to pursue, He will affirm, reward and He will make it pleasurable for you in return.

My goal this year is to conquer myself, to instill an innate discipline that is according to God's word. I need to be so much more joyful of my salvation, to be so much more gentler with my words, to be so much more loving, to be so much more dependent on the scripture, and to be so much more obedient to His laws. If so, I'd want to be contagious this year, I'd want to be bolder in sharing my faith and to be more spirit-filled when I sing.

It is a new season be a GOD-chaser, to take part in being a force in God's movement this year. It's a new season to learn more, to be surrounded with mentors that will help you grow more, to despise sin more, and to love HIM more.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer" Psalm 19:14