I hate it! I feel vulnerable again, I don't want to write so honestly about this because it's embarrassing how I can be so weak when it comes to situations where someone is somehow about to/seem to/like to pursue me. I know right? Some girls might be fawning over this opportunity, but sadly I don't share the enthusiasm. Especially, if this aspiring man's totally wrong for me!!! Maybe I'm just easy to please? Or that I'm not so choosy with external stuff? I really don't know!! Standards, God's standards for my life, specifically my love life should apply too! No great effort should persuade me to be swayed from this standard HE has set for me. I even think I'm just overreacting here, because still, my feelings are far from getting me committed to anyone right now.
Perhaps, I am in love with the idea of being pursued by a real man. Someone who'll sweep me off my feet, who'll cherish and make every effort to show me how he feels. Most importantly, someone who'll love JESUS more than anything.
Someone asked me today if my religion only permits me to have a Christian boyfriend and I answered, "Actually it's not required, but more of a personal decision". Indirectly, I explained it in a general perspective but truthfully, I would have rather said, "It's not about my religion, it's about what I know would please God, that leads me to prefer having a boyfriend who shares my love for Jesus". But I know that would totally weird him out that's why I just settled for a general answer.
It's hard sometimes, to be pushed or invited into a situation that makes me feel vulnerable. Sometimes the feel of it, the emotions that mix me up, and the desire to be loved muddles my head and makes my resolve less stronger than before. But to no avail! I choose to be firm and wouldn't risk compromising. My life is not my own anymore, there's someone larger than my life, and I have to press on to please HIM.
